It seems that in this day and age if a women has been part of an unsuccessful marriage that lead to divorce then they can never re-marry. What is it about a divorced woman that causes people to shun them as potential wives to another brother? Is it that the perception is that they were the reason the marriage ended in divorce? That maybe they are horrible, overly demanding and stubborn women? It is very rare that one hears people having the same stigma of a divorced brother. Why is that?

I will state categorically, this blanket stigma is not derived from our religion but is in fact derived from culture.

Our shariah gives women and men the right to divorce. As we are all aware, all but one of our beloved Prophet Muhammad’s (pbuh) wives were divorced (A’isha may Allah have mercy on her was the exception). Why is it he (pbuh) had no hesitation in marrying a women who had been in a previous marriage? Granted one doesn’t find many hadith encouraging one to marry divorcees’. In fact you find many hadith that encourage the opposite:

”Marry virgin women for they are sweeter in tongue, more fertile, and more content with little.
(Mishkat al-Masabih from Ibn Maja andal-Bayhaqi).

It is narrated from Jabir ibn ‘Abdillah (Allah be pleased with him) that we were on our return from a battle when I informed the Messenger (upon him be peace) that I had recently married. He asked if it was a virgin or divorcee. I informed him that I had married a divorcee. He remarked, “Why not a virgin so that you could have played with her and her with you?”
(Sahih al-Bukhari & Muslim).

Mulla ‘Ali al-Qari in his commentary of the Mishkat al-Masabih states that here is an indication that marrying a virgin is superior.
(Mirqat al-mafatih 6:270).

As we are all aware, one should never take hadith literally without knowledge of the context within which they were spoken. Never the less, these are simply a recommendations and not obligations. I often hear brothers say that even when they are interested in marrying a divorced sister that their parents are against it. This puts the brothers in a hard place…displease their parents or continue this oppressive practice.

What are your thoughts for or against marrying someone who is divorced male or female and the sigma attached primarily to divorced women within our community.

In the name of Allah. The Nikahfied blog is about providing a perspective in regards to what we are doing here at Nikahfied along with our thoughts on various issues related to marriage and the Muslim community. Also, check out the resources section on the blog and find links to various marriage related articles, lectures, podcasts delivered by Islamic scholars worldwide.